August 2011
1 post
Way to many up and down moments today. I need the day to end before I find out that my dog sprained his ankle or something stupid like that.
June 2011
1 post
I don't like big butts, I cannot lie.
March 2011
1 post
January 2011
2 posts
December 2010
3 posts
I realized yesterday that I’m on the verge of being a fat man. I’m about 30 big ones over my weight in high school. Although 185 in high school might seem like a lot, I did play every sport and was the starting running back and point guard of my teams. So it was mostly muscle mass at that point. What’s depressing is that I got to this point quicker than I thought I would. I got...
October 2010
2 posts
Hey Tumblr folk… I will end all of you who are not going to watch Harry Potter and The Philosophers’ Chamber of Azkaban Half Death Phoenix. You have been warned.
September 2010
4 posts
Bought an easel, some brushes and acrylic paint. Now I just need to get some inspiration. The easel is a James Bond model. It folds into a briefcase and then you can turn it into a firewood. It was a steal.
I saw a guy in his 40’s wearing his xbox over the head headset. He was at the grocery store. The cord was tucked into his pocket. I couldn’t confirm if it was plugged into anything.
July 2010
2 posts
Thoughts on the divorce that shook the world.
Heidi Montag has filed for divorce from her husband Spencer Pratt. I didn’t see that coming. Shocked is the only word that describes my reaction. On the bright side Spencer is available to douche up the world all over again. He could be the next Bachelor. That would be television gold. Can you imagine every week instead of giving roses to the girls, the girls would give him a rose if they...
A message to my followers...
Hey fellow bloggers. I miss you guys. I have totally neglected you for way too long. So I’m back and better than ever. Get ready to chuckle, snort and make any other gurgly noises that you mouth breathers make. I promise to do my best to be on top of things. The Economy stinks and the least I can do is give you all the job of reading my blog. Make it a ritual, engulf it, breath it and...
June 2010
3 posts
Angels beat the Cubby Bears
Too bad the rain/hail didn’t come 20 minutes earlier, you could have waited a few hours only to lose to the Angels. At least everyone was plastered before 4pm.
It’s official. I am over the word hater. It is way over-used and needs to be removed and placed in the same bin as playa, dog, tight, tripple fist pumps followed by nuclear explosions and word. Please, lets move to the new fad that I saw the other day. I think it will catch on. Albeanu out.
I’m glad the World Cup is off to a fast start. Congrats on the two ties with no overtime. Super fun.
May 2010
4 posts
World Cup Soccer is coming, are you ready...
On the eve of the World Cup I thought about what makes soccer so boring in the states. Then it came to me. Watching soccer is like watching JV girls basketball. The similarities are so blatant. Here are a few that came to mind. Feel free to add any on.
1. The ball crosses half court and back like 20-30 times before anyone actually makes a shot on goal much less scores.
2. There always seems to...
I’ve been neglecting you Tumblr. I feel bad. Do you want to hang out this weekend? We can make up for lost time and spend hours searching for the perfect topic, the perfect person to make fun of? I’ll clear the schedule and make sure you don’t feel left out again. You are not the third wheel. Talk to you soon.
A crook is a crook is a crook.
Muslim Woman held in holding cell told to remove scarf sues county for forcing her to violate her religion. Why was she in the holding cell in the first place? Welfare fraud probation violation. Womp, womp. Apparently stealing is fine in the Koran but showing your face is worse. Her lawsuit was rejected. I think forcing her to remove her scarf is a good alternative to what might have happened to...
April 2010
2 posts
Baseball Rain Delay Antics
Check this website out. The video is from two teams waiting out a rain delay. Its gosh darn good clean fun.
http://fauowlaccess.com/video/107/fau-and-wku-present-rain-delay-theatre.aspx
Telecom Karma for your arse.
I love when a customer goes behind my back and signs a contract with a new vendor only to find out that they need to purchase $6,000 worth of equipment to make that new system work with their old one. Ummm, that great deal is not so great anymore is it? Of course I have to play it off like, Sir, I’ll see if I can get you a discount on that $6,000 worth of equipment. Of course I’ll do...
March 2010
10 posts
Matt Damon Strikes Again
A few months back I went to go see The Informant with Matt Damon as the lead nerd. I waited the whole movie to start laughing and start enjoying the movie. It never happened. The movie was completed protrayed at a comedy and instead it was Matt Damon acting like a prick. I left the movie feeling like Matt Damon had just kicked me in the balls and taken my wallet. That two hours of death will never...
Tumblr 1 Year Anniversary
My blog turned 1 today. I got an email from Tumblr telling me this. I just want to take the time and give a shout out to all the people that made my blog the the 4th most successful blog in my family.
First and most importantly I want to make sure and thank the persons that inspired me to begin a blog. Stupid People.
Secondly, I would like to give a woot woot to my 34 followers. At this pace I...
Somehow every conversation turns into a variation...
blame18 says:
eyyyyyyyyyyy whats up buddyy
Tim says:
hey man
blame18 says:
whatchudoing mang
u at the new house?
everything settled?
Tim says:
yah why?
blame18 says:
you installed the fast internet yet?
Tim says:
nope
the 8th it come in
Do you have fast interent at your house?
blame18 says:
pfft naw
not at all
Tim says:
not available?
blame18 says:
its available but we rarely...
Grass Mullets
I cut more grass mullets today than a barber in Kentucky cuts in a year. You might be asking yourself what a grass mullet is. Well, the grass…err weeds that grow over the edge of the sidewalk unto the sidewalk. I don’t know what you call that but grass mullets sounds like the logical answer. And yes they look stupid on the sidewalk and the back of your head.
US Hockey Team owes me 3 dollars for gas.
I don’t have cable or even basic TV channels yet at my house. (thanks U-verse for taking two weeks to be installed) I was reading a chat session on ESPN regarding the USA v Canada Hockey game. When the US scored a goal with 24 seconds left I decided to make a mad dash to my parents house to watch overtime. I drove like a mad man only to finally get home turn the TV on and 1 minute later see...
February 2010
7 posts
Training wheels.
It’s my wife’s birthday today so I decided yesterday to fix up her old cruiser. I put some new tires on and cleaned the body. As I was in front of my house scrubbing off the rust on the spokes two little girls rode by. I may have misheard them but they either said, “that a girl’s bike” or “my bike is better than yours.” Either way they were probably...
Dreams do come true. Mike Dunleavy is not the head coach of the Clippers anymore. Time to start tipping cars over and setting them on fire. Oh happy day, oh happy day.
January 2010
3 posts
Lane Kiffin is the same as you and I.
I’m sick and tired of reading that Lane Kiffin is a snake and that he can’t be trusted and so on and so forth. Listen you self righteous sickafants leave your pulpit and put yourself in his shoes for a second. Wouldn’t you take the chance to move up in your career every chance you got? You’re basically telling me that you would turn down a dream job because you just started...
Happy New Year
Happy new year to everyone except the lady at Howards Appliance Store that made every second there very uncomfortable. May your new year be full of holiday bliss expect for the lady at Howards that apparently doesn’t need the business because the economy is sooo awesome right now. Be safe everyone and don’t drink and drive.
December 2009
15 posts
Clippers own the Celtics
I witnessed Baron Davis’ shot last night to beat the Celtics. With 1 second left on the clock Baron nailed the shot and the place went crazy. Considering half the place was filled with Celtics fans, it was louder in that stadium then I had ever heard it. Probably a good mix of cheers from Clippers fans and a groans from Celtics fans. Rajon Rondo missed two free throws with 1.5 seconds that...
The Great Experiment of 2009
I have a friend, lets call him Alex. I chose the name Alex because actually that is his real name. He suffers from a rare disorder that only a few in the world are believed to have. Actually he’s the only one documented to have this problem. Well, I don’t know if that’s true either. I don’t know if anyone else secretly suffers with this problem or not.
I digress, symptoms...
The Impact
I did the Jersey Shore name generator and apparently my nickname is the The Impact. Let it be known.
Refs are all the same.
I have a gripe. It seems like ever ref I’ve ever come in contact with does this. When ever my team is up by 20 with 5-10 minutes left in the game they always seem to swallow their whistles when there are obvious fouls. What ends up happening is that the other team starts getting out of control and either someone gets hurt or a fight starts. We work hard to get the lead and know must suffer...